Ribbons

Our lives wind together like a ribbon through hair. Once removed, what remains? At first, ponytails fall out, hair parts. Tangles turn to braids. Waves and curls sometimes temporary, sometimes remain. Our scalps, like our souls bear the tugging, our roots find a home. Dyes change the color. Moments change each other. For better or worse, our lives tangle as ribbons tie knots in our hair.

Skill Value

So I’ve been struggling with 2 things that my dad and brother have actually helped my mindset.  The first being that I only served 4 years in the Air Force.  I wasn’t the best, I wasn’t the worst. But I had always wondered how in the world did I contribute to our nation.  Some WWII vets said, “Well you only served 4, what about me, I only served 2.”  My reply to them was you are the soldier’s soldier.  You WWI and WWII and Korea and Viet Nam veterans were at war.  I served during peace time, I didn’t do much.  This is where what my dad said really helped.  He said, it takes at least 8 military members (I forget the actual number) in the states to support one deployed military person overseas.  This helped me understand that, while it wasn’t much, I did contribute.

The second being the pay increase between the jobs I worked the hardest at and the job I have now that I absolutely love.  When I say I worked harder at lower paying jobs than I do now, its not a joke.  Part of it is that the jobs I had before, I was coming in and cleaning up someone else’s mess and setting things right.  The other part is the software I’m working with now is the software I used in the military.  So in that way it is easier.  In conversations I’ve had, I’ve told my friends that I have felt guilty at the pay I currently receive.  Their reply, “Well, you are being paid for your skills and knowledge.”  Still, I did not understand until this weekend.  My brother was over doing some work for me and I was thinking about how skilled he is and that his work is worth every penny I paid.  I also was thinking about how valuable his time, skills, and experiences are because I don’t have the knowledge he has.  That’s when it hit me, just because we’re in two different industries, doesn’t mean that I did not put in as much time and effort learning my trade.  It also means that if paying him for his abilities is worth it, then my paycheck is also about being paid for my knowledge and skills as well.

With this new outlook, I will praise God that the tasks that He bestowed upon me are being accomplished the best way I know how and according to His will.  I pray that He continue to guide me as I continue to follow.  Dear reader, I pray that what ever gifts God has bestowed upon you, that you know He has chosen you to have your unique set of skills and knowledge and by following Him, your life will be an unexpected adventure!

Almost Gone

Losing a parent slowly is hard to watch and be a part of. I’m x amount of years over 30 and I am sitting by my husband as his mom weakens slowly. Second by second, day after day, ring after ring. Days turn to months. Who is it, is this the moment? The mental side is mind numbing and you can’t understand until you are smack dab in the middle of it, well, your spouse is smack dab in the middle of it.

No one tells you when you are born and as you grow that when you get married, relationships shift and they keep on shifting. No one tells you how do deal with parent in-laws who are on their death beds. When your parents go through it, you are most likely in college or have a career started. It’s a part of life that there is no real training for. How you handle things will define and break or glue relationships together. So, my advice, act slowly and compassionately and put away the he said/she said.

Everyone involved is moving in a weird proto plasma of time and learning how to adjust to a new reality. A new reality where you are saying good bye to the old and ready or not, newness will just be there. All the while, one has to do normal stuff while dealing with what is real. So shockingly real. Once the passing happens, EVERYTHING will snap into a new world. For my circle, it will be a world that is a little more empty. Where you want to walk backwards through a one way door to give your husband and his brother that one more moment of time with their parent.

This moment of time is indescribable. So while we wait, I will lean into God. I will listen as He guides those of us who will remain breath by breath as He calls our loved one home.

God is our potter

Isaiah 64:8 says God is our potter and we are God’s clay. Now on earth, there are different types of clay. Not only different colors but textures and types. Some types may be used to make dishes, some are used to make homes, and others have different uses. Since God made earth and He has filled earth with different clays, I can only assume God has different pots of clay to make us humans. I think part of His purpose in doing so is to give each of us unique talents so we are forced to rely on each other. For example, I can’t build a car or wire a building or help a veterinarian with surgery, but I know about computers and databases. God has put very talented people in my life at every stage. I have not always liked every person I have encountered and they certainly may not have liked me. But EVERY person and soul I have encountered has left a mark on me and helped me grow. For those who were like sand paper to my soul, thank you because God placed you in my life to make the biggest changes in me. For those who are closest to my heart, God has lifted me through your love and support. You are the ones who have carried me through to God’s will in my life and all that it entails. Without you, those lessons God gave me through my sandpaper would have been fruitless. Regardless if we are the sandpaper or the one closest to someone’s heart, go and do God’s will and remember I will always be eternally grateful for the blessings God has given me through each of you.

Images

Full of life
Kind
Successful
Smooth, beautiful skin
Pristine
Depth
Contrast
Who are you
What is your story
Where do you come from
Tell me about yourself
Is your soul as happy as you appear
Are you happier than me? I hope so.
"Come now child, take my hand and put that back.  We don't need it"
Good bye my friend, I'll be praying for you until I see your face again.

 

My spiritual children

I don’t have children of my own, but I do have a Sunday school class.  I might have a child in my class for one Sunday.  Then it might be 4 years before I have another student.  Still others come on an annual basis out of the blue.  No matter how many times I sit with that child, I pray hard that God’s will is done not only in that short amount of time, but through out their lives.

The majority would say I’m boring because it’s not all fun and games and we, gasp, read the bible.  In other programs it’s about the games, the movies, the gossip.  Not in my class because we are not there to play.  We are there to be with God and learn how He blesses us.

Well, there a group of students who are all related except for one.  They are my girls, these are my boys, these are my people.  What I’ve found is that I’m not a fit for the ordinary child who has a mom and a dad living at home.  Where there are rules and a routine and going to church is cool because of the things that don’t have to do with God (yes I know, not all families are like that.  I’m trying to establish a difference).  I’m best with children who are from broken homes, have strained parental relations, not the most popular, the outcast, and just in general have a rough home life.  I draw them close because I can relate, yes I had what I needed physically, but the rest was just hard.  Really, really hard (not open for discussion).

My goal in the class that God has blessed me with, is to plant that mustard seed of strength and courage and love that they can draw on even if we never see each other again.  I “water’ that seed by lifting my children up into God’s love, into His Grace through prayer.  Sure my will tries to take over and He reminds me that the focus is on Him and His relationship with those children.

Message to my spiritual children –

Worship God, lean on Him and His holy love and peace.  Ask me to pray for you.

Worship God, praise Him for the blessings that you receive.  Ask me to pray for you.

Worship God, listen to Him and for Him as He knows His will for you.  Ask me to pray for you.

Worship God, acknowledge what He has accomplished in you.  Ask me to pray for you.

Worship God, love Him as He already loves you no matter what.  Ask me to pray for you.

Worship God and pray for me that I do His will as I can only point you towards Him and be an example for you.

Much love.

 

The value of yesterday

Be gentle with an older person the next time you are around them. Leave them with their dignity and show them the respect they’ve earned. Their bodies may be weak, their mind maybe feeble, and you maybe missing them for who they once were. Remember, they are mourning their yesterdays and trying their best to make today the best day of their remaining life. Listen to them, their ways maybe slower, but it’s their talents and their lessons that they learned that are slipping through our hands. One day we may not have electricity and we may need to lean on their knowledge of the old ways. Embrace them, love them, and listen to them. For soon they will be yesterday and tomorrow we will be them.

Memories

Memories, they are mine

You beg me to share

and I don’t care.

You want them to hoard

You want them to gloat

You want them to feed your pain.

I won’t give them to you.

You say you care, but you don’t.

So I won’t.

I won’t until you are empty inside.

Then I will use them like a knife.

Twisting and turning until you feel my pain and you show me remorse.

Then I’ll turn and laugh in your face as you writhe

In joy or sorrow, I won’t care because I won’t be there

To see the horror, to see the joy, to see the outcome

Of your twisted lie.

Until then, memories, they are mine.